so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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