I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
