let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
