We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
