i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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