She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
