please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
