WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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