youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
