cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
