Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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