Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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