you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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