i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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