Your tits are I can't wait for
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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