I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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