She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize