She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
