as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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