Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
