You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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