I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Damn victory sex feels great
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
