I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize