i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
