Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
time to smoke my breakfast
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
