A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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