i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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