Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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