That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
