When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
