im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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