Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
