kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
