Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
