We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
