$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I faked an abortion last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
