You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
