but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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