he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am naked and annoyed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
