she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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