my being single is dangerous.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
