Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
