I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
