If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize