I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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