I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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