so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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