You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
