Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
