his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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