No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
