wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
