Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We got so high we made milksteak
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
