The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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