Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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