How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ttyl tear gas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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