OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
