i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
