so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
