I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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